While journeying on faith, we are almost on anesthesia from the pain of reality.

All the faithful servants have been a dreamer - in other words, those who knew of the challenges of reality but persevered and faithfully journeyed on.

You could say they are all under mass fideistic anesthesia. The world mocked them.

Is it a useful wake up call or is it a temptation of Satan dragging you to a lower world?

I am not sure.

My wife is often the one who is a realist, who does not see beyond what she sees with her own eyes. She is almost like Lot who only saw a fertile land before his eyes while Abraham saw farther.

With her own words, she said God is using our little family to support others at this time. Where did that go?

Is she waking me up? or is she shatters my faith?
Is she being like those 10 spies sent to the promised land or a talking donkey before the evil path of Ballam?

What has faith got to do with this-she may say? She is under a dangerous platonic dualism that defines the sphere of God and sphere of man; although seem to protect God's holiness, but no, it is a restricting God's reign on 'trivial' part of our lives.

All these that we go through is also under God's supervision, and radar.

In fact, before God all our work, lives are trivial...

She wakes me up, I am woken up, but I choose to go under the anesthesia of faith because, that is the only way.

I think of David, last few days God really spoke to me clearly that I should not give up but be a blessing to him. Yes overdrafts, and debts worry me but they are just numbers. Credit is also my asset that God has given me.

It buys time, it buys education, it buys chance to shine much earlier. It is not a matter of choice, but matter of faithful journey.

God does not want us to settle with the second best. What is the best for David - that is going forward without a delay.

Second best is to re-enrol. Would God want a second best choice for him? I felt strongly that it was no.

Have I paid for David's cello and fee? no God did through me. In whom who gives me strength and means.

If she can't be on my side, but stays as a opposition, then let her be. If our faith cannot go through this, my faith will.